The other night, I took my dog out for
a walk, she took a shit and I couldn't find it. This is not the
first time this has happened, I lose dog shit all the time. On dark
rainy nights, when she craps on a pile of leaves in autumn, in
certain types of mulch dog shit's been known to vanish right before
my very eyes, which is ironic, since my eyes are total dog shit. One
of the limitations of albinism is poor eyesight. Technically, I'm
considered legally blind, which is like being legally drunk, except
when I wake up in the morning, my vision is still blurry and it stays
blurry forever. Outside of the fact I couldn't play sports, which
meant my father could never really love me, this disability has not
been a major setback in my life. But my low vision has provided
hundreds of little challenges, like missing dog shit. As luck would
have it, we live in an era of incredible technological innovation.
My iPhone can track my steps, play every song I've ever heard, shoot
video in HD and connect me with all the people and knowledge on the
entire fucking planet. It also has a flashlight. This flashlight
has often been my torch as I crouched on hands and knees, squinting,
searching, hunting for the treasure of a steaming log of dog shit.
And you know what? Thanks to modern technology, I find that dog shit
most of the time.
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